End Of Junior Year

I am officially now a senior in my high school.  Now that I'm a senior, it's really strange to see time moving so fast.  I remember going into high school as a freshman fall of 2012,  I was a confused and  freshman entering a whole new world with older, and taller kids around me with really big hallways.  The fact that time is going so fast makes me really scared for what's ahead.

I know I'm still young, but a year from now I will be entering college, and I really don't know what's ahead.   In the end, this is life.  Because life keeps going, I have to stream along with it.  There are some things I wish I could of changed when I was younger such as talking to more people and coming out of my shell.

I have always been a socially awkward/shy girl, so most people don't really know who I am. As a result of that, people often made assumptions, and spread rumors about who they think I am.  Hopefully this year, I will finally get to put all of that behind me and show the world who Samantha really is.

Besides that, I also wish I took certain classes during my underclassmen years.  I guess I couldn't really explore other classes due to my schedule and the school requirements.  It also goes back to my socialization issues with the other kids in school.  Because of those reasons, I couldn't really explore other classes.

I know I made these mistakes in the past, but I want to move on and have a new leaf.  Next September, I will make it a habit to be more outgoing and to take more chances.  Here's to the future!

Why Life Is Precious

It's been a while since I made a blog post.  Within these past weeks, lots of things have happened to me.  Mostly good things, and minimal bad things.  In this post, I wanted to take the time to write about my fish that died a few weeks ago.  Her name was Beauty.

Beauty was a beta fish that was very unique to the eye.  She had a cheerful personality, and she always lived life to the fullest and with bliss despite being a fish.  Beauty had a very unusual feature for a fish.  Beauty had a deformity on her back.  Despite her deformity, she always acted like a normal fish.

When she died on my birthday, it really hit me emotionally.  Her death made me realize how precious we all are on this planet, and the fact that we have to live out our life the the maximum.  If you have something you want to do now, don't sit on the sidelines.

I'm trying to live out my dreams and become a signed music artist and movie actress.  I may not have a agent, manager, or record label backing me, but I will not give up until one day someone wants to sign me.  So for now, I have used the computer as my best resource.

In this world, you have to try to live the best you can.  I know there are many distractions for some people my age such as fitting in, going to parties,  and boyfriends/girlfriends, but there is so much in the entire earth besides socialization.

Life is very scary, but we need to take chances in the world.  If we don't, our hearts become black and we become hermits.   Thank you so much Beauty. You were a incredible creature and you will never be forgotten.  I will try the best I can to spread this message to the world about living life to the fullest.

Improv and Conversations

I was in deep thought today, and I thought about how conversations are like improv.  Think about this, improv is not scripted, and so are conversations.  In improv you need to always to be on the spot and improvise.  Same with convos!  And if the improv or convo doesn't finish right, it gets plain awkward.  It's so crazy how improv is incorporated in our lives like that.  What else is incorporated in our lives that is art related?  Comment below!

Vent

Hi Guys!  It's been a REALLY long time since I last posted a blog post.  Anyways, I hope you can forgive me for that.  A few days ago, I joined this app called Vent.  What is Vent?

Vent is an amazing social app that is a community more than a typical app.  Even though the app is only a few months old, it's becoming really popular. The app is called "Vent" because a person can make statuses and vent about their life.

I've made some friends off the app, and everyone is nice and supportive to each other.  When you make a status which is also known as a "Vent", there is an option where you press can either "Hug", "Laugh", or "WTF".  I don't really saying that word because it is a curse word, but that is an option.  These options are usually there to show your reaction.

If you can, please check out this amazing app.  You will not regret it!

Human Beings

I noticed that for some reason in high school, there seems to be a pressure for dating. It seems like if you don't date, people assume you're either lesbian or gay.  In all honesty, that's so stupid.  A guy or girl isn't lesbian or gay because they don't date.  Maybe there are family rules, they could be possibly shy, or maybe are not attracted to anybody in school because nobody has perked their interest, or even the slight possibility of being asexual ( Sexual Orientation where one is not attracted to any gender.)


It genuinely bothers me that some people in my school make assumptions like this.  It's just general ignorance.  If we all took the time to get to know people, maybe we wouldn't have rumors like this.  Also, nothing is wrong with anybody that is gay/lesbian/trans.  They are their own human beings just like us.  This is the same issue that people with mental disorders and disabilities deal with.

People with a disability or mental disorder face discrimination all the time.  It's disgusting.
Humans are scared of the unknown, and say things because they don't want to face the unknown.  Humanity needs to face the unknown, and accept that not everything will be same color that they wish to see.

Mental Illnesses in Society

Something I notice in society is that we overlook how serious mental illness really is.  Mental illnesses are something that people struggle with in society.  Mental illnesses are like being in a warped reality, but at the same time there is a cryptic beauty that comes with being mentally ill.

When one is mentally sick,they often see a different type of reality.  In a way, it's almost like a painting.  There are many colors in a painting.  When one is mentally ill, they have many shades in their life.

The Negative: A person may feel like your whole life is crashing down, and they want to fall in a deep hole and cry, and they never want to wake up.  Everything is extreme,they feel anxious, and all They see is shades of darkness.


The Positive: They feel like they're are walking on a cloud, they feel amazing, empowered, nothing can stop them at all.  they feel like they're walking in a trail of flowers, and everything is magical.

In Between:  they feel completely calm.

Mental illnesses are just as serious as physical diseases.  It may not feel physical pain in one's eyes, but one will  feel so many emotions and so many views of the world.  The world seems really scared to accept that mental illnesses are just as serious as a regular, physical diseases.  The world needs to give people monthly psychiatric evaluations, or at least someone to talk to.


If the world did things like that, we wouldn't have things such as the airplane incident that just happened in Germany, the Boston Bombing, and Sandy Hook.  All of these people had mental illnesses.

Mental illnesses are not the only problem.  In this world, learning disabilities and autism spectrum disorders are  also overlooked.  Just because one individual is slow, it doesn't mean they are incompetent.  They have a bit of a harder time processing than others because of a few brain defects.  They're just average people like all of us.  Unfortunately, there are many people that don't have the patience to tolerate their defects.


If there is anybody that is reading this that has any mental disorder, autistic disorder, or learning disability, I just want to say you are so strong inside and beautiful.  Life is really hard if one individual has anything in these categories. Continue staying strong and keep living life the best you can.

Something I Really Want To Do

We all have things we want to try to do.  As for myself,  I would like to tap more into filmmaking or creating a play and actually directing.  I mean, I am no stranger to filmmaking.   For the past two years, I have been involved in a certain class at my school that creates films, and I really enjoy doing it.  I have many ideas that I want to bring to life, and it would be really great for me to create at least more than one product.  Hmm..  Who knows?  Maybe I will try one of those soon in the near future!

The Girl

Her inner heart aches.  Life is such a complicated ride to her.  She often stares into the rippling water and asks herself why was she born this way.  No matter how many times she tries to cover up her inner, it always comes back to haunt her.  When nobody looks, teardrops of nothingness always stream down her face.

She was born looking normal, but she isn't normal deep inside.  When she talks to people, there is always a mask on her face.  She can never tell if anything is good, or if anything is wrong.  She can never tell if she's being rude, or mean, or immature.  She always tries to hide her inner  by acting spontaneous, ditsy, quiet, and polite, or drawn to her phone typing away.

Unfortunately, not everybody understands her inner problem.  Many people are mean to her.  They always try to harm her in so many ways.  They chant and shout names in the hallways, they spread rumors, tease her, and treat her like she is a piece of garbage.  They judge her just because they don't know.

Sometimes she cries herself to sleep because she just wants all the pain to stop.  She often tries to hide her face to avoid people judging her.  All of her feelings are tied in her phone because writing is how she escapes the world.   The only thing she has ever asked for was to be understood.

This world is harsh to her just because she views the world in a different way.  Even though the others  view it one way, it's very hard to grip on to the other way.  Maybe she's slow, maybe she can't grip on immediately, but it doesn't mean anything bad.  All the people have done is just made her sad.

Just because she has certain quirks, it doesn't make her bad,  or incompetent. She's never been who the world believes she is.  When she's with strangers, she doesn't feel that much of a danger.  They just met her, and they don't know her at all.  When she goes back into that dreaded brick building, everybody seems to know her.  They think they can read her like a open book,

When she is not meeting strangers and dealing with peers, she is often applauded for the talent she has.  Deep down she believes things will get better, and one day everybody will forget who she used to be.  Instead she will be viewed as a queen.

Valentine's Day

It's that time of the year again.  I know Valentine's day is supposed to have a good meaning behind it, but I feel like that meaning was ruined because of Marketers and business people.  This is the one holiday for overcharged candy, flowers, jewelry, and going out for a bite at a restaurant.  But in all reality, is this such a significant holiday?  Do we really need a holiday to express our "love" for someone?

 Also, what about all of the single people that don't have Valentines?  The ones that don't have Valentine's feel bad that they don't have anyone in their life.  It's almost like society will force you to make Valentine's Day a fiasco for the ones that have someone, and then the ones that are single are upset.

Honestly, if you even think about it, having a date with that special guy/girl is equivalent to any Valentine's Day.  The only difference is, they are not in a brainwashed society state, and nothing is overpriced. What do you think of Valentine's Day?  Comment below!

Her Eyes

What is in her eyes?  What do her eyes say?  She’s quite beautiful in the moonlight when she’s lifted up.   Her eyes are a distorted reality where she feels everything is a black and white path.  Sometimes everything is ok, and it feels like a shooting star.  But sometimes she feels like she’s falling down.  She’s sick of being someone she’s not to the outer world.  She screams for spring to come again, and she wants time to be reversed.

Behind her green-brown eyes, she wants to feel like a human.  She wants to be that dancing swan that has been covered up for millenniums.  Her heart has become black.  She expresses herself through words and her imagination.  At night she dreams of memories from another time where she was actually singing.  Sometimes she feels like she is a 5 year old in a 16 year old body.  She’s always been blinded from the world, since birth.

She often hides herself behind objects that possess her emotions.  Those objects take her away from her reality, and it engulfs her in comfort. When she wakes up in the morning, she walks to the door, and walks out, and is in a sleep trance.  When she gets to the building, her mask starts to form quickly as if leaves are falling down on a tree.  She takes a mental sigh, and continues walking through the building.  She’s in a building with people that she’s known for centuries and could read like a book, but they choose to not know her.

The months and weeks continue, and she now drops deep down into the ocean.  She wakes up on a beautiful island by the time spring has arrived.  On the island, everything is positive.  All of the darkness in her soul starts to leave.  She now feels more confident, she becomes more talkative, and happy.  When she wakes up in the morning, she feels the sunshine hit her icy cold face, and she feels the warmth.

When she walks right into that building, everyone gives her a whole hearted hello, and she feels warm.  She’s not the sad girl anymore, she doesn't feel blind either.  She has arrived.

Idea

The other day in STAC, my teacher mentioned that he wanted to do a play on Bullying at one point as a project, and perform the play down at my school district's middle school.  My idea for the play would be this: A student in middle school living with Asperger's syndrome, or a rare condition called Non-verbal learning disability (NVLD).  Why Asperger's Syndrome or NVLD ?

Asperger's syndrome, and NVLD are both disorders that cause someone to not really fit in at school.  With either of these disorders, you can't really pick up on social cues, you learn differently than most, and you get really anxious as a result, which can cause bullying, and ultimately depression, and suicide in some tragic cases for some.

Something that is not really put out there is Special Ed Bullying.  Students in Special Education get teased because of their disability by teachers, and kids on the school grounds.  Some teachers will down talk them as if they're mentally retarded, and so do kids.  The kids call the ones in Special Ed cruel names such as "Sped", and "Retard" by humiliating them behind their back, or by name calling in the hallway.

I feel like there could be a lot of material done with this if developed the right way.

Fabulous News

I have been alerted with some fabulous news!!!!!!  I am a semi-finalist of 8 people out of 100 plus that auditioned for a prestigious showcase on Long Island called "Your Big Break".  I am very excited for this opportunity.

The selected few get to showcase themselves to very notable people in the music industry.   In this showcase, there is a lot of press/media that comes, and you can win some fabulous prizes as well.  If you are interested in seeing my showcase, my showcase is at the Great Neck Arts Center at the Gold Coast Acoustic Cafe on March 21st, 2015.

Favorite Show

 We all have our own favorite shows.  I have a few favorite shows, but my favorite show is Jai'me  Private School Girl.  This show is a mockumentary around a really snotty private school girl.  It is very humorous, and VERY quotable.   Even though this show is Australian, it is relatively popular here in the United States. You might be weirded out by Jai'me's appearance at first.  Jai'me is actually played by a very popular Australian  actor named Chris Lilley.  Chris Lilley is a actor that can play many roles.  Basically he is Robin Williams, and Larry David morphed into one because of his ability.  You often forget that Jai'me is played by a man because of the scary accuracy of a snotty girl.

If you want to find this show, you watch this on HBO, or order it on demand.  Just be aware that there is another show that Jai'me is in called Summer Heights High, which is a really good show too on HBO.  If you want the Jai'me exclusive one, search for  Jai'me Private School Girl.  Summer Heights High was the show that came before Jai'me's own show.

Summer Heights High focuses around three characters.  Jaime was one of the main characters, and it gives an introduction to her character, and two other characters that are all played by Chris Lilley.  The two other characters are a juvenile delinquent, and a drama teacher.  Keep in mind that you don't need to watch Summer Heights High first to jump into Jai'me's exclusive show.

If you have the time to watch this show, you will not regret it.  It may be a bit confusing at first, but you fall in love with the character's personality.  Here is a trailer below:

http://youtu.be/pniDfPCab8Q

Country Bears

Today I sat down to see this movie called “Country Bears”, that my brother wanted to watch.  I haven’t seen the movie since I was 5.  Oh god, it was so bad.  I’m not particularly sure why I enjoyed this movie when I was younger, but it is flat out terrible. How did I find this movie “cute” when I was little? There is nothing cute in my opinion about the movie.

Plot

Let’s start with the plot to this movie. The movie opens with these animatronic bears that are “Rock legends” performing in Nashville. (They looked like they were Lorde performing at the Grammy awards last year.) The band consists of Elton John’s furry counterpart, and Wookie wannabes that did not make the cut at the Star Wars auditions. After showing the group perform, we are notified that the band decided to split up in 1991.  (I wonder why?)

 Ten years later, we are introduced to a character named Beary Bearington. (That is such a name!)  Apparently Beary is adopted by a human family called the Bearingtons.  (The irony is killing me!)  Beary then chats with his family claiming that he feels “different".  (Considering you are a bear, it’s kind of obvious!)  The parents deny it, but Beary’s brother starts to tell him the truth, and shows him how he was found moments later with a really bad edited picture, and a TRACKING DEVICE?! (Damn! I can only imagine the horrors of how Beary was really found!)

Beary decides to run away from his family that loves him, and cares for him just to feel he can belong! (Very smart way of getting abducted Beary! Good job!)  Beary is now on a bus, and heads to the place where his favorite idols perform. (Gee, I wonder who they are!)  While Beary runs off, we see his family CRYING that he ran away. (You see Beary, there are people that LOVE you!)  We then switch over to one of the horrifying mutated bears, and apparently the place that the “Country Bears” performed at and built is shutting down thanks to a banker that’s played by Christopher Walken.

 

Elvis’s furry counterpart is upset that the place is shutting down!   Beary walks over and offers to get the band together with a reunion show, so the place doesn't shutdown.  Beary accompanies Elton John, and the quest begins to find the lost Wookies. (It seems like a fantastic idea to accept a suggestion from someone you just met five seconds ago! Are these screenwriters THIS lazy?!) We now jump back to Beary’s loving family, and we happen to see two cops. One of the cops has a fake mustache, and the other one does not have a mustache.  (I forget the Actor’s names by the way.)  The cops are now on a quest to find Beary.

Beary and Elvis managed to grab the gang, and got back together within minutes.  This is including some very awkward music numbers in between.  Eventually, the cops give up at finding Beary, and there is a news flash saying that Beary was kidnapped by a member of the beloved “Country Bears”.  The cops regain some hope, and a cheesy car chase scene is followed. (I think these guys need a raise!)  The gang manages to lose the cops and continue on their quest.  Not once do we hear from Beary’s family until the near end of the movie.

 The “Country Bears” decide that maybe it was not worth reuniting, which causes a heartbroken Beary.  Beary then decides to call his family. The only one that picks up the phone is his brother.  Beary runs away from his idols, and runs home.  His American Horror story posse discover that he ran away because he was upset. (Beary is making running away and killing other’s emotions a really bad habit!)  The American Horror Story crew feels bad, and the furry Elvis conveniently finds Beary’s home.  (Elvis is a stalker!)

Beary and Elvis resolve things, and head back to the building that the Country Bears created.  As they’re heading back, we see the banker destroying multiple models of the bear’s building with iron, repeatedly screaming “Ow” in his office.  (OCD?)   The banker starts to kidnap everyone in the band but Beary and Elvis, and puts them in a jail cell.

 

Beary and Elvis find out, and get the help from Beary’s parents who are not even freaked out by the situation.  (If it were me, I’d be freaking out!)  Beary and Elvis go through a near death drive, and Elvis flies and crashes through the jail cell’s window without zero injuries. (Is he part robot?)  Somehow Beary appears out of nowhere and is reunited with his own kind. 

The banker shows up, taunts them, and reveals why he kidnapped the bears.  He kidnapped the bears because he was angry that he lost in a talent competition for a music career.  Even though the bears are animatronic freak shows, they actually have a talent.  The banker’s talent was making fart noises from his armpit. (This guy needs a therapist for holding a grudge like this.)  The banker escapes, and heads towards the building.   

Beary and co escape, and head to the building. Guess who’s there!  The banker arrived, and is about to blow up the beloved building in a half hour. Beary and co manage to stop this, and within seconds grab a huge audience for their reunion show after they were barely promoted. (Somebody needs to fire these screenwriters.)

Beary performs with the band, and we see Beary’s family rocking out to Beary’s performance.  Then we head to the credits.

This movie actually got pretty bad reviews in the media by the way.  Overall, this movie is really bad, and I see things really different as I’m older for what the movie really is.  What is a bad movie you've seen?  Comment below!

My Frosty Heart

  I see the darkness and the light.  When I walk down those stairs I see a mixture.  There seems to be no picture.  In this world, we get stuck on a cliff and reality seems like fiction sometimes.  You are imagining something that isn't there. Everything is a mixed painting.  For one minute, you are stuck in a white, angelic world.  Then reality will hit you, and you are plummeted into the ground without a sound.  Maybe you plummet too much, and maybe you dream too hard.  Dreaming is usually for the ones that want more in this world.  My eyes wants more in this world.  Even though it feels like a rut right now, the future looks bright and clear despite my frosty heart.