Fear

Fear is something hidden in all of us.  Fear hinders everyone in different ways.  For me, my own fear is not doing anything perfect in anything I do.  This fear is something that also prevents me from certain artworks I can do.

  I hate getting told when I do something wrong because then I’ll feel helpless, and sink like a wilted flower.  I then feel like the whole world is sinking once that happens, and then I am shot emotionally.  My problem is I put too much weight on myself because I am haunted by the past that I had when I was younger.  When I was in middle school, I was constantly corrected by other kids and teachers because of the mistakes I made in class whenever there was an instruction. I then would hear kids call me names behind my back.

 As a result, that made me so self- conscious over the years because I felt like I was never good enough when I am corrected, and I then became a perfectionist.  I would love to try more things with film.  Besides being a singer/songwriter, writer, and actress, I would love to branch out into film.  I’ve always been fascinated by it, and I have always felt drawn to it.

 One of the things that I want to do besides become a recording artist, fashion designer, philanthropist, actress, and author is produce movies.  I want to show the world’s eyes what my ideas are.  It burns inside me like an infinite flame.  The problem is, that feeling of helplessness takes over me, and I know I can do more than what the outer version of myself shows.

  The outer me, and the inner me are two different people.  The inner me is strong willed, independent, never gives up, brave, and always optimistic.  The outer me that I often show to most people around me isn’t the real Samantha.   I mean, I do show lots of pieces of my actual personality, it’s just that I mentally freeze in a situation that involves something that is not in my comfort zone.

 I will then become really quiet, and anxious, and helpless.  I’ve been fighting that fear though.  I have become better, and I am more confident in myself.  I just learned how to properly use a camera the other day when I had to film for my elevator movie.

  I have also taken more chances than I normally do, and that feeling of helplessness has been starting to sink in the past year.  There is always that feeling of doubt, but I have learned to not let it take over me as much as I used to.  We all have our own fears, we just have to harness our own fears and turn it into something great.  I have realized I can never be perfect, and I have come terms with that.

 I will always continue expressing myself the best ways I can through art, and trying new things because I have harnessed my fear.